random thoughts

ok I admit.

I'm gonna be bored during the weekends. no no. Not that I have no friends to hang out with or whatsoever. But what can we do? Watch movie? nah. Too packed. The usual makan+chilling out? nope. BORING. East Coast cycling? grrrr. Rain how?

see? The downside of being a Singaporean. Your life is mundane to the ultimate. Either you are at the office working your ass off, mugging with cries of unwillingness, or just practically slacking around doing nothing.

Yes. The life of a 22 yr old. Me.

It has since come to a point where the ironically overused word - LOVE starts to irritate the shit out of me.

I love you and you love me. But does it come right from the depths of that red pumping thing? How many times have you said 'I love you' to someone just for the sake of saying because you are in a lovey-dovey relationship or is it because you truly love that person.

So you would be asking. What's love?

Love is when we're beside each other, not having anything to say, but the moment can be perfect.
Love is when he kiss me on my cheek and tell me I'm pretty.
Love is about giving in, trust, commitment.
Love is when our lips touch and there are like a million freaking butterflies flying in our stomachs and in the air.
Love is when he closes his eyes, falling asleep just right beside you and all you do is just watch him sleep.
Love is about sacrifices.
Love is about waiting for the right moment.
Love is when she says 'You're the best thing that ever happen in my life'.

Love here. Love there. ya ya ya. Love is in the air~~

The list can go on ya. Well, I gathered abit about this "gruesome" four letter word from friends around me.

Almost everyone said the same thing. Who doesn't like the lovey-dovey part of a relationship where you both belong in your own tiny little heart-shaped world? But what's hard after that? The maintaining part. It gets tiring and boring and will be cocked-up with lots of obstacles that you did not forsee in the start of the honeymoon period. And the sms-es becomes like an everyday thing. The calling of sweet names becomes a formality. Meet-ups becomes lesser because everyone has this stupid thinking of 'Absence makes the heart grows fonder'. I choose to half-believe. When you are in love, all you want to do is to see the other party everyday. RIGHT? Even for 5 freaking minutes. But as time goes by and you both feel that you need personal space, not meeting up becomes a norm.

You know the story. The plot. The details. The beginning and the ending. So why do we humans STILL engage in this staged play?

"Love is like a playground."

You step into a playground when you are happy or sad. You start exploring the playground. You see different people there. Somtimes you play with them, sometimes you find someone special, and you both start on a journey of "conquering" the playground. At the playground,there are swings, there are long slides and there are monkey bars.

You sit on the swing, you feel the breeze, the calmness. It's like in love where everything seems to be so stable with the occasional ups and downs but you are still stuck to the seat and loving every moment of that tranquility.

You play the slide. You try so hard to climb up to the top knowing that you'll still go down in the end. You try again and again. And you'll get tired of climbing, tired of going down. Tired of the ups and downs and finally you give up climbing. Just like in love, you go all out for the other party, knowing that he/she might just push you aside and when that happens, your feelings start to "slide" away until you don't feel like climbing anymore.

You try the monkey bar. With every grasp, your hand might already be filled with blisters. But you persist. You fall down with a thud on the floor but you still stand up and climb again not knowing that the blisters on your hands are not healed. Like in love. You fall in love, you get hurt but you might not be completely healed but yet you fall in love again. And each time you feel that the hurt gets deeper and deeper. But what's ironic? You still want to climb the bloody monkey bar with all the blisters on your hands.

So what's in store at the end?

- to be continued -

p/s: I didn't write this because I am out of love or am any sort jealous of anyone who is in love. Yup. It's just how I feel at this point of time in my life.

goodness.

Had a girlie chat with Theoweeeeeeeeee like for more than an hour last night.



all the way from Perth man.



WOMAN!! let's webcam tonight lah huh.

Days been good so far I guess. hah. At least my tagboard's not as noisy as before. I've got class tonight and my assignment's due in 3 weeks. And guess what, I have been reading the papers!!! This year doesn't seem like it's a good year. Bridges "all over the world" seem to be falling and people die abruptly. Yes life sometimes can be such a BITCH, but there must be something in everyone that keeps a person going. And, I'm still searching for it.

Studies? Future? haha. My life is still uncertain of.

Right now, I just wanna complete this damn diploma asap so I can move on to advance and hopefully by end of next year I start uni.

Sounds good? hell yea.

p/s: Peach is good. Getting fatter. I hope you are going on fine too. Jia you on your first sem!!

13th of August

Start of the ghost month.

boOOooo~

yah. And I'm finally sick.

grrrrrrrrrrrr.

Gwen Stefanie's concert with Charlene later~~

I NEED TO START ON MY FINAL YEAR PROJECT SOON!!!!

dunno how to do. shit man.

ndp 2007

A sea of red right smack in front of the floating platform,
Happy faces.
F16, apache, national flag,
Excited Singaporeans.
Night fell, handlights lit up the whole Marina Bay,
Red Blue Pink Green.
Did you see that?
Even the various performances somehow had all that 4 colours.
3700 participants.
Fireworks shot off into the night sky just infront of the wheel.
Bang. My heart just died at that moment.
The broken pieces of that red pumping thing stopped breaking when tears finally fell.
It was so hard.
The whole parade kept flashing back all those words you once said to me.

I miss you...

emofied.

It's not easy...

Waking up to feel dumbo drenched and that the night's sleep was spent missing ***

It's national day tomorrow.

I think I'm gonna dread national day year after year.

Please stay safe ok?

//edit :

Went over to Vivo City for lunch alone. Walked around aimlessly... Singaporeans are really cliche. It's only during national day that you see so many patriotic ones around. There were countless at Vivo. Lots of walking flags. I defied the human traffic and was literally walking into a sea of red and white.

sighs.

I "feel" like the colours of the state flag too. One moment my heart was red and pumping... the next its blank and just plain white.

I feel so cold.

070807

seriously, whatever.

I've had enough of all the tags and people whom I don't even know tagging my board leaving cruel remarks.

you know what?

Just say whatever you want to say. I'm a bitch/slut/whore/fat/loser. Yes. By all means, go ahead ok. If you think unkind words can turn my life into hell, then continue to stay in that delusional world of yours. If my blog is so fucked up that everytime you come here, you just feel like scolding me or kill me, then I would suggest that you just don't read! What for waste time typing in my long blog address just to puke at your computer screen at my unentertaining entries? It's pretty simple this whole blogging thing. I am just a normal girl. I am not an angel. I cannot please the whole damn world. Some of you hate me, some of you neutral, some of you nice. I can't possibly change my character to suit to your liking right?

ok?

I give up.

Flame me all you want. Because at the end of the day, the one feeling the most miserable and sad, is not me. It's YOU.

**

Was on the way to work... and saw many NUS students in the t-shirt of my favourite colour. I wonder where will you be today...

Somehow I feel this lucky number 7 is not that lucky afterall. I passed by a major car accident at the cross junction at harbourfront earlier. The car literally skidded off the road and crashed right into the thick wall. The front of the car was smashed. I can't help but continueously pray that whenever you drive, please please drive carefully. It was so upsetting looking at the accident that my heart cringed and my tears just fell.

I wonder when will I ever stop crying...

i'm trying.

I was thinking should I close down this blog...

But I'm gonna keep it. Not many are reading anyway... and I seldom have updates.

These past one week... had been more than just a roller coaster ride. And got me sort out many thoughts as well.

"Love doesn't mean possessing you.Watching you from afar, I'm contented enough."

For now,

I'm going to be strong...