Tuesday, 14 October 2008

Boring Tuesday.

So I called in sick for work today and managed to get quality sleep the whole day.


Think it was due to over exertion(recently started Yoga and dance classes) thus causing pressure on my chest area. I had to go to the doc's to get my chest checked, pretty afraid of these kind of symptoms. For a while I thought there was something wrong with my heart. But anyways, doc said I'd over strained my breast bone muscle thus causing discomfort when I stretch.

Yoga's awesome. Meditation and self awareness and definitely, LOADS OF PESPIRATION. I enjoy the most when after all those difficult poses and stretches, the guru slows down and let us get in touch with our inner voice. Yea, the part where you go "OHhmmmmmmmmmm". You'll eventually get to a point where your mind stop wandering around and your focus is on ur breathing and your heart and body naturally melts to the earth.


I was thinking recently, I don't know if I'm afraid to grow up or am I just unwilling to let go of me being once a teenager. You know, my weekdays and my weekend are of two totally different worlds. Needless to say, hands down, I'd vote for my weekend.

On normal working days, the people around me are all like in their late 20's/early 30's, struggling to survive in this dog-eat-dog corporate world. Whereby the up and downs of the current market/economic downturn becomes a regular topic over lunch and tea-break. The work is routined and everyone seems very conscious of what's going on in the office... the hush hush politics, the shooting of emails and all those crap you get when you are in a deskbound 9-5 environment.

I'm not complaining about my job. I work and get paid duly. What's so bad about it right? I'm just trying to say that I don't feel "grown up" yet. I don't feel that I have to know so much about the current financial situation. I don't feel that I have to listen to all those office politics. I don't want to know who got a promotion or who's in the boss's favourite list.

BUT, I have to and sadly, I have to admit, I don't deny I keep myself abreast on news about the grapevine.

Come Saturdays and Sundays, which are days in a week I extremely love and look forward to, where by I let the inner-child in me out. Just hanging out with the kids, nevermind that we converse in kiddo lingo,creative juices flowing from my right brain, makes me the happiest girl on earth.

I don't know how to start and how to explain this feeling. At times, I feel like a kid in a grown up's body and sometimes I know I am no longer at that teenage phase of my life.

It's wayyyy complicated this me inside.

I am starting to lose myself maintaining this balance at this "not here not there" age of 23.

I guess this is what they call - Growing Up.

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding?

- Welcome To My Life by Simple Plan

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