*Cupid's illusion; Constant confusion*

The Day After Christmas.

Okay. I know it is the festive season and everyone is hyped out about NYE. I bet some of you are expecting this "long-awaited" entry to be filled with party pictures and lots of ra-ra and presents and fun.

But... so sorry to disappoint. I decided to turn on the emo switch in me instead.

But before I begin my woes, let's remember those who perished in the dreadful Boxing Day Tsunami four years ago.

December has been a rough month for me...

The passing of my one and only beloved grandmother crushed me to the fullest and the pain...I never felt so much pain in my life before. The point whereby tears ran totally dry and you could feel your heart breaking and you know you are damn upset but there is literally nothing, NOTHING you can do to stop the pain.

I still remember the day she got into ICU. Grandma never got into ICU before and to know that her life is in danger didn't feel good. I was supposed to offer my condolensces at Jackson's dad funeral but ended up telling Sheena that my grandma was in critical condition. I know, the irony huh.

You know the "typical hospital doctor and family" scene on TV is totally different from the actual. The doctor stood in front of me, my mum and one of my aunt and explained my grandma's condition in detail. All the medical terms, the seriousness of her condition, "your grandma is really very very ill" - the doctor said to me when I felt her pat on my shoulders. At that moment, I was utterly lost for emotions. It was only when I had to break the news to the rest of the family when I felt the awful sharp pierce in my heart and nearly blacked out.

It was as if she went into a very deep slumber. She gave us hope... made the doctor told us that her blood pressure was going fine and that she might be able to survive that night; thus made us thought that we should be able to see her again the next day. Everyone she loved came to say their goodbyes in her ear and I know she heard them because there were tears welling from her eyes despite being in coma. But she waited for us to leave her bedside and heed home.

She left peacefully at midnight on 4th of December, just the way she prayed for - quietly and painless.

There are countless of regrets and if onlys... but it's too late. The best I can do for her now is to send her my prayers. I will definitely be missing her for the rest of my life.

**
So, this Chirstmas, I decided to take out my dusty creative tools and send my wishes to the people I love, care and think about from day to day.

会伤心是因为开心过。。。
会失望是因为希望过。。。
会遗憾是因为珍惜过。。。

I don't wanna live another regret.

Now, I'm counting down to the new year.

I have a gut feeling my 2009 is gonna be A-W-E-S-O-M-E.

=)

**
This bedroom light distracts me
I find it hard to keep still
Everything is so still, like this
I wont have to wait for long before I start to see that your the only thing that works

Will you stay, keep this evening calm
I'll shield you from this night
I'll make everything alright

Will you make sure the door is locked
We wont have to talk, as long as you are here with me again

-I wish you knew this song was about you
by Daphne loves Derby