breakup

Because of a break up? sighs.

I believe most of you heard of the NS man - Dave Teo Ming who AWOL from his guard duty and went around town in possession of a SAR21 which was stolen from his camp. Anyway, one of my essay's on a report about this whole Dave saga. So I went googling on his story and flipped the papers.

me(ranting to my sis) : "Wah lao this guy is stupid lah. because of a break up go and steal gun. Damn freaking dumb. eh Lydia Hoe(yes i call my sis with the surname) you got read this news?"
sis : "DUH. His ex girlfriend Crystal is my friend lor. "
me : " OMG!! ARE YOU SERIOUS! How come you never tell me about it!! Than you never ask her how she feel?? I heard she got attached to a butch that's why Dave went siao."
sis : "Aiyah you don't disturb me lah. You go and read the papers yourself."
me: ( commentless )

I feel very sorry for Dave. Yes, a break up suck. Been there, done that. He was in a relationship with Crystal for 4 years and they shared many happy moments before he enlisted( somehow I feel NS caused alot of breakups. I've heard countless cases from friends ). People do nonsensical stuffs after a failed relationship.

I remember my first heartache. I was 17 then. He love fishballs. A week after the split, I woke up at 5am in the morning to cook him a bowl of fishball soup. Honestly, up to today, I still do not know why did I do that. It's not like he'll come back to me after drinking the soup. You know.. the sincerity thingy... the "wanting him back so badly stunt". I cried while cooking and ended up not giving it to him. The soup was awfully salty and I vow never to cook fishball soup again. Another incident, I wanted to meet him in person to pass him a Vday gift(mths passed since the break up). I cabbed down to Sengkang in the wee hours of the morning at 6:30am just to "catch" him going to work. I smsed him. But he didn't reply. I waited till 9am under his block. He never turned up so I left the gift at his doorstep. A year or so after, I was told by a friend that he said he didn't like the gift and it stinks. Thinking back now, I feel soooo stupid.

Now, you will be asking me. What was the craziest thing I did after my recent break up. It would be loving him from a far distance knowing he will never know how I feel (I hear hurdes of verbal abuses hurling at me calling me as dumb as Dave). I'm learning to move on. I told myself no more crying, no more being upset over what's become memories. Why go into despair when the other party might not even be the least upset over it? There are more things in my life now than to think about what went wrong in the relationship or how badly I want him back. We are still friends though. But, I don't have the courage to go on msn and say a simple 'how are you' though there are countless truths I would want to hear from him. Maybe I will never get my closure. What's unknown will upset me I guess...we should remain like that. I miss him that's all I can say. As for what lies in the future, we'll see. Perhaps the only thing I can do right now is just to wish him well and keep him in my daily prayers.

As for Dave, I believe he was not in the right frame of mind when he did that in which I hope the judge lightens his sentence. The papers reported that he might face a jail term of max 20 years and 14 strokes of the cane. His whole life ruined just like that...because of a break up...because of someone who no longer loves you. So not worth it. Just imagine. 20 years of hell in jail. I'd probably be 42 and complaining of menopause...but for Dave on his release, it's a beginning of a new life.

I'm stuck in this essay and my office banned youtube today. Damn it.

I want to go home now. I'm freezing in the office.


*The world didn't stop for me when I was at my downest. I realised I have been so afraid of the bad that I'm missing out on the good. *