What if I...

I was watching the last episode of that channel 8's drama starring Joanne Peh. Anyway, the show is about children finding new meaning in their lives and learn how to be happy despite their disabilities. Imagine. How many of us actually sat down and thought how blissful our lives are?

Well I did.

I'm always complaining about everything. From the weather... to my job... to my school assignment... to my lack of confidence... my thunder thighs... to my "hard" life. I'm always ranting about how pathetic i feel at times.

I don't come from a wealthy family. And yes, staying in a double storey flat doesn't mean I'm rich. I'm not rich. I'm always out of cash. My decision to leave the polytechnic 4 years back caused unhappiness among my parents and they refuse to pay for my private school diploma. So I had to depend on myself. I worked for almost a year, trying to save up for the course I always wanted to be in. I was only 19 then. I kept procrastinating saving up, spending my hard-earned cash on endless and redundant shopping trips. Friends around me that time were graduating from their polytechnics and some even entered the local unis. And what am I? NOTHING. I'm just a drop out holding on to a lousy piece of o-level cert.Even my best friend was in Aussie doing her degree. It took me quite long to get to my senses. I was then working at Queenstown polyclinic and was so envy of the dentists working there. Young and so full of life and a bright future ahead of them. I began to save up for my studies... worked my ass off. Juggling the morning job and part time waitress-ing at night to earn as much cash as I can.

And I saved $1000 after all the hardwork and no shopping. I have to thank my mum for persuading my dad to help me pay in advance using credit for my school fees. I still had to continue working and paying off the remaining school fees by myself. I manage to get myself enrolled in MDIS and start studying. =)

And now, after all the ups and downs, I'm earning a grad dip salary and am about to complete my diploma. Soon, i'll go on to my advance dip which I hope I can complete by next June. By end of next year, I would be taking my full-time degree. I fared quite ok in my exams. Getting B's at least. At times, I really hate my parents for not sponsering my studies... why must I be the one earning myself? Why can't I enjoy school life like everyone else? It's no joke juggling both work and school. I do get bogged down by stress and cry myself to sleep. It hurts at times. I really envy those whose parents can afford their overseas studies and support them financially.They can enjoy their campus life, study, play without worrying if they might have enough cash to survive on for the next month.But then again, how many are greatful to their parents?

I shall try not to complain about my life so much. Sometimes, you really don't know how fortunate you are.

Welcome to my life
I was dead but I'm back alive
Maybe it ain't that bad after all
Have you heard of a rainbow after a fall?